Try living in my shoes

hey its me again, went Butter Factory on weds with a good friend who took so long to get ready that by the time we reached it was already 11, garhh, there was free flow there but I didn’t drink a lot, it was barely enough to make me red(i kept my promise). hahahaaa

so , i guess it was quite fun, the dancing was great, enjoyed myself thoroughly. Though the taxi fare was an uber bummer.

P.S. I really dislike weirdo’s who attempt to add you on FB to fish for your number/email. This has nothing to do with being jealous, I guess I’m just being concerned and trying not to be over-concerned. You get the idea, so if you ever read this, rmb its all for your own good=)

So it all began with that single line,

that caused me to overthink every circumstance that came into mind.

At first it was glee thinking that , the line was intended for me .

then came the thought that , the line may not.

So i sat and wondered if I am but that coward,

I would be willing to be anything that u’d wish to see.

Quitting drinking, not smoking and even gambling.

if you wanted the moon, I’d gather ways to get it for you.

How much do you know me, how much do you care?

*mushy part ahead, dun read if you can’t take it.

thoughts have been plaguing my mind since last night, Insomnia is a common place for me. I realise now alcohol is no help. drinking takes me to lalaland faster than a snap. I made a promise and I’ll keep it.

So whats this about? my mind is actually one twisted ball of rot, whether i like it or not, Not being emo or anything but sometimes i don’t understand the things going through my mind. Just last night i dreamt of something super random, I’ll go about it piece by piece if anyone would care to elaborate whats going on in this ball of rot in my head please do so.

So it all started at the MRT train, where i saw this cockroach it climbed upon one bangla and i went eww, slowly it jumped off and ran all around it eventually went to find a seat and it sat on the seat , LIKE A HUMAN BEING get this, the cockroach then alighted the train and i followed it behind and it went to sit on one of the benches on the train station, there were kids playing with sparklers on the train station there were 2 kids the lit the sparklers and burnt the cockroach , killing it in cold blood. Look i have absolutely NO IDEA why I have this soft spot for that cockroach but i took the sparklers and berated the kids, i then headed down to the control station where i complained to the lady and provided evidence.

Okay WTF, its either I really LOVE cockroaches or those kids deserved to burn in hell cos in real life I sure as hell wouldn’t be one to do such NONSENSE , seriously.

So school has started for approximately 4 weeks now, the work I’ve done so far are extremely little you might even say it’s non-existent.

Went to work for some indian event, those people are crazy i tell you, when you block the stage they jump the stage brutal and savage thats what they are, we’re ushers they pay us $7 an hour to stop you from doing nonsense and yet you continue to do nonsense, you take off your shoes and get up on stage, WHAT THE FUCK do you think this is, your dance FUCKING studio? please learn some respect, In your place people abide by your rules when your at ours, please learn to respect ours.

I needed to rant after working at that hellhole ytd I have another event coming up on the 28th, NYPCO, if it wasn’t for YY asking me i wouldn’t have worked. LOL.

Okay so, maybe its my own perception, sleep deprivity caused me to overthink abit, but i thought we had somehting going on, perhaps its just me. IDK.

its 2 in the morning and i cant sleep, actually I can I’m just too freaking stubborn I realise my blog is starting to contain less and less details about my life and more about me ranting and raving, i guess thats why the readership of my blog is so poor these days, when I’m happy I come up with topics that are controversial that are fun, when I’m anything other than sad I’d come up with the same thing.

I’ve been ranting and raving all on my own for so long its really sad, its not that I’m seriously that unhappy its just that things happen altogether at different times so lets say something like this happens, I wake up feeling alright, someone gets me depressed, I hang on till afternoon when i thought it couldn’t get worse it happens again and at night it happens 1 last time.

okay its kind of bullshit when u read it that way but i suppose it does still happen like that. Fuck life is an absolutely messed up thing.one minute u think ur in control the next your not. howells thats life.

I WOULD LOVE TO SPAM VULGARITIES AND STUFF BUT THAT WOULD MAKE ME A HORRID PERSON.

1pm a message sent.
4pm a msg received,
2 consecutive messages
and the phone went dead again.
6,7,8 I’ve waited.

I may be paranoid, I may be delusional. Nothing ever happened for this I’m sure. I hate waiting on like this with no answer.

you may be blur, I may be Naive.

I can’t take it much longer. Your really hacking away my life bit by bit by bit.

Do you take pleasure in tormenting me so?

Whatever. Everytime i try to give up i get hooked back in, every single time.

Its all the small things that hurt me, the late night confrontations the avoidance. It urks me. Whatever no use talking about it.